The art of not giving in to FOMO

Six years ago I moved from London to Reykjavík. I didn’t exactly read a disclaimer before entering my relationship with FOMO, and it most definitely started way before this. I now know that through this move is where it really started to rise to the surface, alongside my own journey of being comfortable in my own skin.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I wasn’t having a good time with my friends in Reykjavík, celebrating my birthday in style and attending many great events. It was the shift to a new experience and reality that a case of FOMO of what was happening in London could hit that was hard to adjust to. Since I wasn’t physically in the same country, let alone city as my friends back in London, I knew I had to start to accept and overcome it.

What if the tree is being live streamed and with sound- of course it’s real, right? The same with any other situation. If you’re not there to sense it, it feels as it’s definitely happening because you can see and hear it through your phone. There’s no denying that. After a few months I started telling myself that I wasn’t actually missing out because I wasn’t present, and therefore it wasn’t happening (and there’s no party without me, right?).

“What sort of delusional and/or ego centric way of thinking is this?”, you might ask, but it worked. In short, my attitude has become that it isn’t happening if you’re not physically there. You’re the only one who can evaluate whether the experience would’ve been an enjoyable one for YOU.

This is easier said than done as throughout our youth, us millenials have been bombarded with near-live updates of what our friends, and people who aren’t even our friends are doing and the events they’re attending, mountains they’re hiking on or career ladders they’re climbing. I wonder how pre-SoMe life was for people who lie on the cusp of Gen X and Millenials and their relationship with FOMO and whether there was as much comparing themselves to others as we tend to do now.

I’ve had situations where I see my friends gathering (unconsciously) without me and get really hurt over the fact that I wasn’t invited. My attitude towards this has gone from feeling a little (or very) left out and taking it personally to finding ways of accepting not having the option to RSVP to a spontaneous meet-up.

The FOMO induced generation is growing up. After asking around it seems that the general attitude from millenials reaching thirty is that they’ve stopped being bothered. Both about other people’s unconstructive opinions and the thought of missing out on something spectacular, whether it be an event, party or even just a games night.

When you’ve experienced so much of the same that doesn’t necessarily make you happy, why would you repeat it just because. A friend of mine has this approach to dealing with the choice of whether to go or not to go to a party or on a night out because he went out enough times where he didn’t enjoy himself and therefore doesn’t really mind not attending social events. Others had, in my opinion, less sustainable alternatives such as resorting to online shopping to keep themselves busy. Or taking a nap…

This is also where being comfortable within your one or many social circles comes into play. There will always be a next time. Developing a good relationship with a group of people is something to cherish, and I understand this isn’t the case for everyone. We should know deep down that not being invited shouldn’t be a direct personal attack or a case of intentionally leaving someone out. After all, that wouldn’t be very mature, and we’re growing up, right? If you feel like you’re missing out on something with people you aren’t very close to, ask yourself whether and why you’d invite them to something? People make plans without us, and we need to learn to accept that.

Knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin isn’t necessarily a given when growing older, and growing older does not equal becoming boring, either. For some, it’s not as easy to tap into a carefree state of mind and I understand this subject hits everyone in a different way. What is your relationship with FOMO and what can you do to make it healthier?

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