A Beginning

I keep telling myself I want to write more. I need to write more. Then I just…don’t. There are a lot of reasons. I’m a new mom to a three-month-old (as of next week). I’m out of practice and clear ideas. I’m scared. What if I’m actually terrible? What if no one cares? What if I’m wasting my time? What if the only feedback I get is cruel? But then my husband tells me to just do it anyway. It’s something I’ve loved since I learned how to write. I wrote almost daily throughout high school. Then life got in the way. Trauma. Classes. Work. Work. Work. Depression. Work. Now a baby.

But I can’t put it off forever. What if I die and never write all the things that have been swimming in my head? What if I never share my story? What a tragedy that would be.

This post is just to pull me out of my rut. To just make me do it. Maybe for a while, that’s all this space will be. Maybe it’ll just be a place for me to think my thoughts outside of my head. Maybe I’ll find a point of view. Maybe I’ll find direction. I’m not sure what will happen from here but for today, I’m starting. I won’t set a particular goal just yet. This next week is going to be tough and I don’t want to put pressure on myself just yet.

Today, I’m starting. I hope I come back tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have a specific idea. Maybe not. And I think, for now, that’s okay.

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