Dress Among the Sweaters

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror I brush my hand gently over my chest, just over my heart. Even the light touch of my fingertips hurts. I glance back over my shoulder at the low-cut, brightly colored sundress laid out carefully on the bed. The fabric is a sea of flowers. A dress I used to wear all the time. Looking back at the mirror, my fingers touch the hole, making me wince. The rational part of me knows no one can see the scar, but I can. I can feel it. Knowing I won’t be able to bring myself to wear it, I sigh. The sundress will once again be relegated to the closet so I can don a simple, light weight sweater knit from the softest yarn. Something soothing to hide the hole I now cover with my hand so I can’t catch a glimpse.

My eyes shut briefly, and I remove my hand, willing the hole to disappear before I open them. I need to finish getting ready for the day. Sable brush in hand I focus on the face in the mirror and begin my morning routine. Powder, mascara, and pale pink lip gloss are followed by a toothbrush, and finally the pull of a brush through my shoulder-length brown hair. I slick it back in a low ponytail and force a smile at my reflection.

She looks happy, I think to myself. Careful not to let my hand reach for the scar, I turn and walk slowly into the bedroom. I stop at the foot of the bed. Reverently, I reach for the sundress. My fingers graze across the fabric and come to rest on a little, blue forget-me-not. I let them linger briefly, before I lift it gently from the bed, taking care not to wrinkle it.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” I promise it as I slip it back on the hanger and hang it unworn once again amongst the closet full of sweaters.

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